Today came with a sudden boom, a tidal wave, more like a...what's the term? Out of left field? (I had to google that one)
They say that when one door opens, another one opens. I hope this is true in my situation. It's crazy that after 3 years of devoting myself to a field in which I thought I would never be in could just suddenly came to a halt. "That's life" is a line that seems to be circulating amongst many tongues.
From the space bursting with hustle and bustle, coffee grinding, happy customers and loud indie music, juggling x20 different deadlines and goals, being so pumped to finally have interns supporting me, being genuinely happy going to work...not for the pay or the hours, but solely because of the people I loved being surrounded by and knowing that I was working towards achieving something good. I finally found my perfect mix of combining my passion of supporting youth in education and being an organizational freak (in the best possible way). No pressure, no set hours; to tell you I never once watched the clock or complained about never having a designated lunch break. I was having fun. Whoa. Work with fun? Who knew?
And now I'm just a little scared; a little scared that I am not going to find that joy again.
I get it when I'm teaching sometimes...when it's not mixed with anxiety and fear. But THIS is what I could see myself doing years into the future. And now I'm worried about what I'm supposed to do. Go back to school to get a diploma for this and gamble with more OSAP debt? More opportunities to be shut down because the lack of funding? Maybe not all places are like this one. What if not all places are as fulfilling as this particular job?
This was the first place where I didn't feel like I HAD to do anything. I did it because I LOVED it. And now, the portal doors have closed. Literally.
I hope as with always, this is a season of change. I hope I can work with this rather than against this. I hope I can find something as rewarding as this. One foot in front another, one step at a time, and all the other metaphors you can think of.