Friday, 21 February 2014

The Start of Something Great

Ever since the entering of high school, I have always seemed to struggle with my weight. In no way, shape or form have I ever been referred to as "big" but perceptions in the mirror use to make me feel otherwise. Pair that with cattie girls and the social pressures cultivated by my peers and the media, and what you were left with was probably a girl with nothing but an apple for lunch. But hey, I dropped 10 pounds and decided instead to substitute low self-confidence and insecurity with the numbers found on my bathroom scale.

Buuuuuuuttttt, despite that melancholic entry, I can definitely say that over the past few years I have learned to appreciate myself as a strong, independent and healthy woman. And, as cliche as it sounds, success is not weighed by the numbers on a scale, but rather on the health and happiness of your mind and soul. With that being said, 2014 has definitely been a year in which I have pushed myself to strive and meet new challenges with the utmost positive attitude. 

January began with my reemergence into the gym, a place that only increased my self-consciousness. I began slow and steady, and soon found myself enjoying my time on the elliptical and row machines. And despite my heavy schedule, I ensured to visit the gym at least once a week in combination with doing cardio exercises in the comforts of my own home. I soon began to silently applaud (in my my mind of course) the seniors at the gym thrusting their arms in the air and doing their morning tai chi. And I even found inspiration from girls half my weight doing crunches and leg raises without even a flinch of insecurity. Even the guy who ran around the track clutching an iPad in his hand seemed to say to me and everyone else, "Yes I work out at the gym, and no I do not give a fuck who is watching." 

When February finally arrived, I weighed myself, and although I felt so much more happier, energetic and lively, I also lost a few pounds (something I was not entirely hoping to do). In fact, I am pretty small for my age and height, and while this may seem like something I should not be complaining about, I do not want to waste away into nothing (exaggeration here). Currently I am sitting at 5'3 and 105 pounds. I'd like to point out that in no way am I saying that being skinny is "ugly" (I say this using quotations because these types of terms are all socially constructed, and really beauty is what makes you feel good on the inside) but I know that for me personally, my weight feels unhealthy to me. And with that being said I have learned to listen to my body.

To conclude this post, I think I will start focusing some of my posts concerning my fitness and lifestyle as a way to track my progress and challenge myself to do more weight training. For me, this has always been something I was afraid to do, not only because the machines at the gym intimidated me, but also because I did not want to become too "muscular." However, as I have discovered, muscle building is exactly what I need in order gain weight and feel stronger. So please, bare with my daily blog posts about what I am eating and doing at the gym. Or please, by all means, unfollow.

Despite all this, I am genuinely happy with who I am because who I am has been built on me doing my best. 

Right now I am the "best of me" and that is beautiful. 

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