At Ends

Boiling down to my last year in my university experience and holy hell, I am now starting to succumb to my very worst fears...is this what I want to do with my life?

Having heard countless confessions from my friends, I've always had the reassuring confidence that yes, I definitely want to be a teacher when I grow up. Well I've grown up, and does that statement still hold true? The simple fact of the matter is yes, well of course I imagine myself giving only the best lessons while balancing my social life with my life in the classroom. But the question is, am I cut out for this?

Seeing as I always compare myself to my fellow peers in my program, I only feel discouragement and worry knowing that my experience working with kids fails in comparison to many others. Counselor at camp? Heck no, my parents couldn't even afford to send me to one as a kid. Taught abroad? I can't even do my own laundry. Any paid experience whatsoever working with kids? Does selling children winter coats count?

The truth of the matter is, how do I even know I enjoy teaching? In all honesty, although student teaching a grade 1 classroom brings so many heart warm memories, these thoughts are also accompanied with late night lesson planning and dreading to wake up in the morning. And at this point I really can't tell....do I hate what I do? Or do I just lack the self-confidence for it?

This week, this theory has been tested as I recently got an interview as a group facilitator for after school activities around the GTA. The program sounded awesome- develop team building games for children that helped them to develop their social skills and character traits- only...it came with a catch. For the second part of my interview I would have to develop an activity to teach10 people competing for the same position as me.Talk about pressure. So now, I just don't want to go through it.

And here's why:

1. I am socially shy and usually blush at any chance to stand in front of an audience...so throw me in front of people my age/older competing for the same job and I'd be a trembling tomato.
2. I really don't feel like lesson planning...does that suck or what? That's pretty much what my job entails me to do and I dread it. (So does that mean I shouldn't be a teacher?)

I feel like my desire to not go through with this interview is due to either of this options...or maybe (probably) both of the reasons mentioned above. Socially awkward? Check. Lazy at the moment? Double Check. And yes, I want to teach yooooooouuuuurrr children! (woohoo)

So in all honesty, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm scared, lazy and frankly really anxious not knowing if teaching is what I can commit myself to do. Maybe I just need more experience being a group leader in a safer setting? But wasn't that the whole point of applying for this job? 

I seriously need to spend some quality zen-time with myself and reevaluate my plan. Because right now, I'm at ends.xo

New York, New York

So this summer I finally had the ultimate chance of seeing a city that I've been dying to travel to all my life...New York! Having never set foot outside the Canadian boarder (well okay not true....I've been to the Philippines twice. But that doesn't count since it was a family vacation and I took a plane!) I was so excited to be out and about on the crowded streets of this gorgeous city. I coooooooould write a long blurb about how awesome of an experience this was and what I did day by day....but to save my sanity and your's I'd much rather fill this blog post with a bunch of pictures and witty comments underneath! So enjoy xo,

I think this is where our hotel was. Wow, this was only a few months ago and I am only now realizing how horrible of a memory machine I am. Either way, subway service woohoo!

Yeah, that "YOU ARE HERE" sign didn't fucking help. Okay that's great, I know where I am BUT HOW DO I READ THIS MAP!? New York city has got to be one of the hardest places to navigate in. Compared to Toronto where you pretty much go either North, South, East or West, in NY you can basically go 40 degrees N/E or wherever. Navigation got easier as the days went by, but even still we were never afraid to ask a stranger how to get somewhere.

First chow stop...PIZZA!

Only being the ultimate tourist, we just had to drop by Times Square! Times Square was absolutely amazing, filled with diversity, life and overpriced souvenirs! It had to be one of my favourite stops on the whole trip!

My boyfriend and I sitting on the steps of Times Square...kinda felt a little Glee moment here!

Our lovely friends just chilling!

Tourist takes a photo of the tourists. Yup. PS. You can totally see the difference in some pictures...Big ups to my friend for using a pretty camera and for me using them on this blog! (Thanks Chris! Although I doubt you're going to read this LOL)

Broadway lights, city lights

So the first night we were there, I pretty much begged my friends to see a Broadway play! It was my absolute number 1 thing on my lists of to do's. We bought ticked to see Wicked and ERMAHGAWD it did not disappoint! Possible THE highlight of my NY experience was to see the Wicked Witch sing that awesome high note!! I loved this play, and I'm getting excited all over again as I think about it. AWESOME. I AM SO DEFYING GRAVITY

The amaaaaaaazing cast! We weren't allowed to take pictures...but YOLO?

Second day out and about. PS. After this photo I will most likely ONLY be wearing this hat. It is one of the few souvenirs I got for myself and would never take off. Yeah, that sweat? That's New York sweat.

We went to this breakfast place near our hotel and got so spooked by this menu...WHERE DO YOU LOOK!? But despite the overpriced food and slight headache afterwards, the food was actually pretty good! Our waiter also thought we were from California...not sure if that was an insult..orrrr

Not even sure what this was..BUT IT WAS HELLA GOOD (I think as this was my friend's food and I only had one bite)

FIGHT CLUB. I'm not sure what it is with men and new shoes but seeing as it was Chris' birthday, the gang ventured out to Soho and beyond to feed our boyfriends' shoe addictions. Actually it was pretty cool!

Boyzzzz

I am clearly like "GET ME OUT OF HERE" No jokes, it was actually a nice store!

Dropping by NYU and park nearby. Again one of my favourite places! There was just so much going on in this one little park, from food carts, to performers, to poetry being read on the grass!

Birthday boy and the lovely Jacqui!

Hopping on the subway once again...praying we don't get lost.

For Chris' birthday we decided to go to Talde, a restaurant located in Brooklyn and founded by Chef Talde. The restaurant mixes together Asian inspired food with American flare. The place was pretty amazing, seeing as you walk into a place that looks and functions like a bar, but then you're served with these awesome Asian inspired cutlery! Plus you can get Halo-Halo (if you like that type of thing). Here, I opted for just some food old fried rice! Yum!

This was John's! It was deep fried oysters on pad thai. SO GOOD!

Happy birthday Chris!

Day 3: Museum time! Seeing as everyone pretty much had their pick of what to do in NY, my friend Jacqui chose to go to one of New York's finest museums! Definitely trumps the ROM here in Toronto!

Next we went biking in Central Park! This was probably one of the most entertaining experiences there (I feel like I'm saying this too much...but everything was so much fun!) After being persuaded by some guy holding a sign outside the subway, we went to a local bike shop, rented some bikes for a couple of hours and jetted to Central Park. It was so hard to enjoy the park in the 2 hours that we got, but the scenery was breathtaking! Next time I go back, I really want to just explore the insides of the park or maybe go on a picnic.

I couldn't take many good photos seeing as I suck at biking and taking photos was a hazard to myself and the people around me...funny enough I had two local supporters who always seemed to encourage me while biking LOL "KEEP PEDDLING!"

Shouts outs to my friend Jacqui for riding a bike in a skirt..trooper!

You can also go on little row boats in Central Park..do I hear the "Kiss the Girl" in the background!?

He's excited. I'm excited...WE'RE BOTH EXCITED! Okay so we didn't reenact the scene from Glee or Gossip Girl..but yeknow...we try

Our friend Chris told us NY was famous for its deli so we decided to try some! We found a quirky restaurant and when we got our stuff...well their portions were huge! Anyways, it was still yummy yet so filling! Oh and here's my boyfriend trying to take a bite of his sandwich.

They also gave you pickles...AND I DROPPED THE PICKLE.

Again another thing on my to do list. I didn't take too many photos since it was really dark inside but the food was amazing! This was also the night Jacqui accidentally ate some nuts..we rushed out of the restaurant but luckily, no allergic reaction! PHEW! Healthcare would have costed a fortune!

Last day in New York and the couples split up to see some parts of NY we couldn't all see at once. As our friends went to the Nike store to buy some new kicks, John and I headed to the top of the Empire State building.

Amazing view, amazing city.

Starting form the bottom, now we're here!

Only photo we could take. It was extremely windy but WOW, gorgeous view from the top!

Dylan's candy store...and John's new favourite place! This is before we got lost haha

Goodbye New York! You were amazing and I will definitely be back to explore even more of this beautiful city one day!

Under Reno

Hi lovelies (I seriously do not know who I am addressing in these blog spots, seeing as half of the things I write are for my own sanity) but despite the chance of looking like a sick case of Mona from Pretty Little Liars (refer to split personality disorder) I guess it was about time I started blogging again.

I can't express how unhappy or stressed I've felt over the past few months. With my last year of university looming right over the corner and the prospect of becoming an elementary school teacher within my grasp, I cannot help but contemplate where the choices in my life are taking me and in what direction my life is spiralling into. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be successful, that I will make something of myself one day. But seeing as how things are going, I just don't think the choices or thereby, the lack of choices, I've been making have been in any way shape or form beneficial to the ideal life I wish to create. And that is why I've decided to go "under reno."

I don't ever think someone can change over night, but one can learn to start making changes despite the constant whirlwinds and friggin tornadoes life seems to offer. "So we beat on, boats against the current..."   yes, so you get my drift (see what I did there?). Anyways, one thing that has become more and more apparent day by day is:

• If you are working for money, you are working for the wrong reason. 

I know that seems kind of biased, but it's what I believe. Today I finally gave in my 2 week resignation after my manager pretty much scolded me for not selling enough credit cards to our customers. Plain fact is, I just hate retail. And there is absolutely no reason for me to working it either. I do not want want to be a sales associate when I grow up. I don't want to be a buyer, manager or fashion designer. And while I have acquired a lot of amazing skills in my 5 years working clothing retail, there is no opportunity for me to move into teaching. The only reason I stay, and frankly keep returning to retail, is for the money, to pay for my excessive eating and shopping habits. And so, in spite of the fact that my parents are calling me a quitter I'd like to think of this change as something as I have been wanting  needing to do for a while. I need to find opportunities that will allow me to grow, not stump me. And this just was not it. Was it difficult writing that 2 week notice? Sure. But what's more difficult is staying at a job where I was not happy, and where I couldn't see myself in the near future. I'm still young so...can I still quote "YOLO"? Well I just did.

Till next post, find what makes you happy. And if that happiness only comes in a type currency, maybe it's time for some recalculation.

PS. GIRL PUT IN WORK, GIRL PUT IN WORK (for the right reasons may I add!)